Readers, rather than letting FTVS do the talking, we will now do what Noam Chomsky should have done in 1971: we will shut the fuck up and let the Michel Foucault of electronic music say his piece.
Dearest Eezer, please share with us your most intoxicating and intoxicated story involving the sweet narcotics and the sweet babies.
Do the narcotics and the babies have to come together? When I’m on narcotics and don’t really like jelly babies or any other candies come to think of it. And now I’m trying to think of narcotics that are sweet. Hmmmmmm?
However, there’s a guy in the place with a bitter sweet face and he goes by the name of Ebeneezer Goode. You wouldn’t want him standing behind you in a sweaty dark room though.
Do you regularly consult the cabal of Lotharios on 4four for advice on a) how to sex up the finest women b) how to become a fortuitous disc jockey c) how to travel the world and get paid to make vaginas dance? FTVS has not learned this from 4four, but has learned that soggy crackers is a very popular game with the site’s regular users.
I do regularly consult those said Lotharios. It’s a bit like listening to your Mom or your wife though, you always do the opposite to what you’ve been told.
So, A) I think most of them are virgins, or just not that proud of their other halves so generally offer little in the way of any decent advice on the fairer sex. B) There are actually a few fortuitous DJs that frequent 4four, but it’s mostly full of keyboard warriors who have never munched carpet or have anchovy on their pizzas, which clearly renders any advice completely irrelevant. C) See answer B.
I’ve also heard that Soggy Crackers is popular game in the cyber world of Lotharioland, they definitely don’t play crispy biscuits and their eye sights are going awry …. Bless!
FTVS is aware that you began observing the housing market at just the time the housing market crashed. Which economist most informs your purchasing decisions? Are you a genius entrepreneur and is the Fed consulting you?
It was actually a year after the market crashed we began observing, when the market hit it’s low, don’t you just love synchronicity? The £ had momentarily jumped back up to $1.64 from $1.45 when I transferred funds across and now it’s plummeted back to $1.45, all the luck of the Devil of course. It’s the wife that informs me of my purchasing decisions (well her purchasing decisions actually) and bloody fine decisions they are too as she does indeed wear the trousers in our house (which is great as I get to wear the skirt). Yes I’m a genius, yes I’m an entrepreneur but never in the same sentence and yes I think I’m Billy Big Balls (or was that Charlie Cohones)? Do you know who I think I am? And yes I have the Fed as my personal consultants. I can get them to consult for you for way less than half price, maybe even for free, but you have to do them, well, special favors.
Tell us about your relationship with our dear friend Francis “Big Frankie” Harris. Has he told you about the whale cock? FTVS fears his production output has decreased because he now spends too much time reading our website. This is completely understandable.
You gotta love “Big Frankie”. He’s probably my best pal in the whole wide world. Verga (spanish for Whale Cock) is one (1) of my favorite words. A famous philosopher once wrote “Esta la Verga Güey”. In fact I like Vergota even more as it’s simply that much greater. Also, I think Big Franks production output has increased hasn’t it, obviously inspired by the wisdom of that fortunate yet violently loose woman … the slut!
Tell us about Los Angeles. Is it treating you as it should? Are you still seeking to become an actor? Have you had any success? FTVS is making a movie about FTVS, titled “The Greatest Generation”. Come sit on the casting couch but don’t forget your mouth guard.
I love my new home city, it’s so laid back (well laid) and everyone is so friendly (when verga munching which I’m told is a delicacy). It looks like I may have nailed a Superfreq residency in Hollywood which will be an after hours, as well as our monthly Tuesday, Super Disco Freq at Short Stop in Echo Park, will know in the next few days about the after hours so keep your fingers crossed for me.
Yes, I’m still seeking to become an actor although settling in to Los Angeles is my first priority. The only success I’ve had has been getting cast in a very cool UK movie, great supporting role too so I’m stoked about that, again more info when it’s actually happening as in the movie industry, it may simply not happen any time soon, but now the summers coming I’ll be spending more weekends in L.A (if we confirm the after hours) meaning more time in L.A in general, so it’s now time to start networking now that I’ve found my feet a little in town.
The FTVS movie, I’d love to come sit on your casting couch but the mouth guard won’t be at all necessary and I give great auditions! More tea vicar?
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Tracklisting:
- Dexter Wansal – Life on Mars – Philadelphia International Records
- Canson – Sued – City Fox Ltd
- Deniz Kurtel – Yeah (Jamie Jones Shower Curtain remix)- Crosstownrebels records.
- Andomat3000 – Beatroot – Highrade Records
- Pawel – Dawn – Dial Records
- Room 10 – Los Gritos – Metroline Ltd
- Semtek – Bells – Don’t Be Afraid Records
- Pantha Du Prince – Stick to my side (efdemin version) – Rough Trade Records
- DJ Jus-Ed v DJ QU – All across the floor – UQ Records
- Moody Man – Freaky MF – KDJ records
- Raza – After Death – Coloured
- Read Truth – Evidence – RWL records
- Liz Torres – I can’t get enough – State Street Records
- Audion – Push – Spectral Sound Records
- Alex O Smith – Kosmos 1402 – Omars Detroit
- Divine – Native love – O Records
- Cerone – Supernature – Malligator Records
Readers, FTVS output has been more flaccid than a Palestine-destined flotilla as of late. Sadly, our lack of journalistic ejaculate will continue through the summer months, not unlike a bitch in heat. Why? Because FTVS is returning to school for the summer, and when school is in session, FTVS is not.
Earlier today, the FTVS bureau was forwarded distressing images of men in uniform partaking in what can only be described as the worst crime against humanity since the creation of FTVS. In this world of complete theological disarray, Iran demonstrated that infamy knows no bounds, by ordering the systematic and hermeneutic destruction of millions of bottles of imported libations. Yes, dear readers, cases of Absolut Vodka (Orange flavored, we would be remiss not to add) were crushed with extreme prejudice, like 
Dr. Martens x Stussy Desert Boots: The punks had 
Acne Jeans Striking: The Swedes are as self centered as the French are arrogant, and it seems this is the key to style and coital theology. 
SpringCourt B4 Nappa: Besides Laurent Garnier and Jean-Michel Jarre, France has always been a successful exporter of all things sexed and raped, bringing to the select masses a palette of items of superior stylistic value. 
