Monthly Archives: July 2009

Culture Slut: Scholars and Sweet Babies

There typically exists an inverse correlation between an academic’s prominence and the droopiness of his matron’s labia and/or jowls. Slavoj Zizek does more than merely offer an exception to the rule, he sadistically waterboards it in a rusty vat of bull semen. FTVS by no means venerates the Horkheimean, proto-Marxist drivel that Slavvy (as his […]

Economics Slut: Beastial Government Stimulus

In a profane effrontery to decency and theology, the US government continues burning stimulus money with wanton disregard for tax payers and forest creatures alike. Though many of our fanatical readers may think this is to be expected in today’s United Socialist States of America, FTVS refuses to sit mute, dumb and idle. Helen Keller, […]

Health Slut: Swine Flu, The Antibody

Those swindlers at the World Health Organization (WHO, a pseudonym) recently released the scientific equivalent to an extremely silent but deadly anal miasma. The National Enquirer’s retarded half-cousin, The New York Times, reported last week that the WHO  (not the rock band of renowned kiddie-fiddler Pete Townshend, but the blasphemists mentioned above) has ceased tracking […]

Music Slut: Sven Vath, An Ethical Man

The utility of electronical music does not rest exclusively in its raison d’être as a potent amplifier of self-dosed synthetic and organic molecular treatments. An exigent ambition of the techno sonata is the  proto-pseudonymous role it plays in helping certain members of society incise a firm, athletic epistemology. Sven Vath demonstrates: Based on the evidence […]

Economics Slut: The Entrepreneurial Spirit, Encumbered

“I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.” – Warren Buffett As if more evidence were required to prove that the United States steadily marches toward the guillotine of socialism, we see here that the general public, as well as the […]

Culture Slut: Jack Colt – Feared To Be Victim of Terrorism Soiree

UPDATE: JACK COLT IS DOING VERY NICELY. PLEASE READ THE MESSAGE BELOW, BUT IGNORE ALL MEANINGS EXTANT WITHIN. Dear readers, Jack Colt, founding organizer of FTVS and esteemed quantitative analyst, is missing in the Indonesian archipelago. Wavelength signals transmitted via FTVS newswire indicate another flaccid terrorist encumbrance in the nation’s capital, Jakarta. FTVS eagerly awaits […]

Art Slut: iPhone Finger Painting

The New Yorker’s designer-bootlicking tongue is soiled inexorably with its latest adulation. In its unyielding allegiance to all things obtrusively bourgeoisie, the magazine resolves to gentrify our purest and most organic art form – fingerpainting. Once the expression of the masses (or of those with at least one finger and something to smear something else […]

Culture Slut: The King is Dead, Long Live the King

You see, a pious litmus test for ecumenical sagacity can be found in the subtler tones of how one presents him or herself while in the public eye – it is not about minute violations of societal norms (such as murder or touching strippers). FTVS’s interminable search for decency, and, alternatively, exposure and castigation of […]

Economics Slut: FTVS’s Loan Broker

As consummate financial specialists, FTVS staff is privy to extremely untoxic loans and asset movements, and is highly involved in fiscal policy setting and analysis. Jack Welch is often calling the FTVS office line for hortatory counsel. Timothy Geitner is perhaps a member of the FTVS editorial board. Kip “Friedman” Penn, as the lead monitor […]

Q&A Slut: Answered by FTVS

Does the mess that arises from personal satisfaction oftentimes confound you? Let FTVS and Yahoo Answers help. Please click the link to discover groundbreaking yet opportune strategems for addressing post-coital fluid agglomeration. Please submit your Question of the Week so we can aid you in your navigation of the intricacies of everything.