There typically exists an inverse correlation between an academic’s prominence and the droopiness of his matron’s labia and/or jowls. Slavoj Zizek does more than merely offer an exception to the rule, he sadistically waterboards it in a rusty vat of bull semen.

FTVS by no means venerates the Horkheimean, proto-Marxist drivel that Slavvy (as his friends refer to him) repulsively spits at his audiences, but we do applaud his capacity to endear and subsequently penetrate scorching Argentinean ass.

What is his recipe? Groundbreaking research suggests it may indeed be a hermeneutic form of rophynol, also known as the love drug.

FTVS would greatly appreciate acquiring this potent, slow-release recipe of chemical goodness. Evidence indicates it is exclusively sheathed by several accomplished yet physically maladroit scholars, such as Zizek and Stephen Hawking. How else can one explain their lavish spoils of tender lips and smooth, soft buttocks?

Most importantly, acquiring this sleepy love elixir would significantly unburden the FTVS operating budget. FTVS’s coffers are syphoned to Jack Colt’s abysmal thirst for puerile Indonesian jiggy jig, and the inevitable bail surcharge that regularly follows. These expenditures have skyrocketed  particularly over the past 10 days. FTVS interns visit Western Union on Mr. Colt’s behalf most mornings – such is the price of fame, teen lust, and an unbridled appetite for decency.

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