Monthly Archives: August 2009

Music Slut: Sven Vath, An Ethical Man Part Two

Sven Vath once again evidences his didactic fearlessness with an homage to theology. So majestic, Sven’s piquancy implies he may be MC Hammer‘s bi-amative second cousin. FTVS will soon transmit an epistle to our hero of geometry with a forthright offer to wet-nurse his toes and sniff his bum. Despite his contributions to the Reich […]

Culture Slut: America Loves Animals

America hates animals like Charles Manson loves Jews. The question is this: were a man to fornicate a male horse, is said man indulging in a homosexual act? If a woman suckles a juvenile dog’s lipstick cock, is said woman satiating her pederastic compulsions? What comes first in normed categories: species, gender, or age? Ruminations, […]

Fashion Slut: Body-Diaper-Chic

The ladies at the View introduce body-diaper-chic, a modern line that interprets a timeless classic.

Food Slut: Panda Express

I’d like to call attention to the fortunes in fortune cookies. Specifically, the sick fuck in China who slips his molesting prognostications into cookies that make their way to my Panda Express. You can’t imagine the disappointment I feel. The digestive gratification of a three-item meal – kung pao pork, pepper pork, egg rolls, washed […]

PSA Slut: Announcement in Portuguese

Dear readers, FTVS staff is constantly concerned for your well-being and fortitude, which is why we, in partnership with SOS Mata Atlantica, endorse shower urination. One must not possess Portuguese fluency  to appreciate the inherent cleansing utility of splashing your little footsies about in golden puddles. It’s truly an every-person activity; although drinking from the fountain of […]

Music Slut: Exclusive Interview of the Year 2nd Edition — Little Mike

Little Mike is the most revered man in the Berlin house and techno scene. While that guy at Beatportal continues to fellate the most unexceptional DJs and producers in Berlin, FTVS gains access to the man that is known as the Ronald Reagan of techno. [Editor’s note: please do not comment on how clever this […]