Monthly Archives: October 2009

Music Slut: Exclusive Interview of the Year 5th Edition — Chuck Robertson of Mad Caddies

Earlier this month during the New Noise festivities, FTVS managed to surgically escape from that sodomizing heretic Michael Franti, and found acoustic refuge a few blocks down State Street at Velvet Jones. The evening at this couture venue consisted of an impressive and delectable musical aperitif of the punk rock variety. FTVS caught up with […]

Music Slut: R.I.P. Wighnomy Brothers

The Wighnomy Brothers are to techno what Barney is to dinosaurs: portly, friendly and very radically sexual. Thus, it is with sincere despondence that FTVS announces their disbandment. Soren (Monkey Maffia) and Gabor (Robag Wruhme), the parts which make up the Wighnomy’s immaculate whole, penned this note to FTVS founding editors Jack Colt and Bob […]

Culture Slut: Sushi (??) and Ice and Everything Nice

The FTVS (???????) constituency is well-acquainted with everything sensible and geometrically discriminating. Perhaps this explains the surging popularity of Jack Colt (????????) in the Nipponese Archipelago. During a recent business trip to Japan (??) — to meet with FTVS angel-investor Masaru Ibuka (???) of course — Mr. Colt found himself splayed on his hotel bed […]

Music Slut: Infusion – All Night Sun Light

Wollongong trio Infusion announced today the release of their new artist album All Night Sun Light. FTVS urges you, dear reader, to study their first single So Soon (available for digital download below) and Dog Town. Thorough review is a must in order to dispose of the prejudice against the Terra Australis you rightfully developed […]

Music Slut: Dreamwave and Yacht Funk, Thank You L.A.

There must be something, dear reader, in the Los Angelean water, something subtle and quite frankly intangible, that allows for such journalistic mastery. While it remains decisively unclear what sooo distinguishes Yacht Funk, Dreamwave, Balearic Disco and Nu-Disco from one another, FTVS acknowledge these arbitrary categorizations were of course direly needed.

Movie Slut: Britain Makes Good, Finally

It is universally known that the perfidious Albion — also known as Pommyland, or Britain — has never contributed much, if anything, to humankind. Shockingly, the Pom bastards and trollops have finally bequeathed something upon the rest of us (aside from bad teeth, bad food, and of course slavery) that is not merely mediocre, but […]

Q&A Slut: Biracial is the New Black

The media maelstrom continues tenaciously. Was FTVS culturally, ethnically, dare we say it, racially insensitive when using the term mulatto in its most recent exposé on Obama’s groundbreaking trip to San Francisco? Let us be pellucidly clear: FTVS endorses President Barack Obama. Let us expand upon this unprecedented salience: FTVS endorses multi-racial sex parties and multi-racial […]

Political Slut: Obama Visits San Francisco to Lobby FTVS

It comes as no surprise to everyone that Obama Barack would charter the beleaguered Air Force One (1) to San Francisco solely to lobby the eminent FTVS staff. The media firestorm that accrued around missing FTVS intern Falcon Heene swept through the District of Columbia beltway like syphilis in the Castro. Obama, being the copacetic […]

PSA Slut: FTVS Aircraft Crashes, FTVS Intern Still Missing

FORT COLLINS, Colo. – FTVS’s latest contribution to humanity went impossibly wrong after six (6) year-old FTVS intern Falcon Heene accidentally fell in the cockpit of a balloon built by legendary craftsman and mediocre father Richard Heene. This very groundbreaking apparatus was developed exclusively and with extreme prejudice for FTVS transport, as airplanes had proven […]

Career Slut: Five (5) Golden Rules for Organizing a Music Festival with Jeff Theimer

Jeff Theimer is one of Santa Barbara’s (California, United States of America) favorite sons – he is like Jack Johnson and Robert Kennedy combined, but more famous. Mr. Theimer was once the Marketing Director at Santa Barbara’s alternative radio station KJEE. Soon after, this sensuous man dove headfirst into the belly of the sweltering beast, joining […]