FTVS is pleased to introduce you to Jacques-Yves Perichon, our most new columnist. Jacques is an expert in all things that require advice, so please send your questions to him at post [at] fortunathatviciousslut [dot] org. This is Jacques’ first column. A reader asks: Jacques, why is baseball considered the American national pastime? It has [...]
Monthly Archives: December 2009
Dec 26
Career Slut: Jacques-Yves Perichon Wins Competition, Joins FTVS
Readers, this story has gripped the nation more robustly than a waffle-waitress gripping Tiger Woods’ testicles. Belatedly, we offer you a conclusion. After many submissions, FTVS has finally selected the winner of its Career Slut Competition. An infinite number of gifted Asians applied, however this is not an arithmetic contest. Submissions arrived from luminaries and [...]
Dec 25
PSA Slut: Merry Christmas
Readers, FTVS is aware of all things sacrosanct and incorporeal. We are fondlers of the spiritual and the sexual, oftentimes simultaneously. Accordingly, we wish you all a Merry Christmas, and ask that you appreciate your family, friends and of course Jesus H. Christ with extreme prejudice on this fine day. May you all indulge in [...]
Dec 23
Film Slut: Jungle’s Genealogy
To the uninitiated FTVS reader, the history of Jungle and Drum ‘n Bass might appear long and dark, not unlike the negro phallus. However, it is in fact short and pallid, not unlike the honkey phallus. Yes, dear reader, this is besides the point. Phallus girth and pigment are not the issue. The issue is [...]
Dec 22
Music Slut: Massive Sexual Attack
Readers, we are all of common mind when discussing Massive Attack: they are a trinity of sublimity, courtesy of members 3D, Mushroom, and of course Daddy G. [Editor's Note: If you have not let your ears bear witness to Daddy G's DJ Kicks compilation, you are deserving of a swift kick to the testiculars, because [...]
Dec 21
Blog Slut: FTVS “One of the best reads this season” according to Flavorwire.com
December is a time of celebratory decadence sparing no one, and certainly not FTVS. Every year during this gloomy yet cheerful thirty (30) day marathon, opinions are forged and labels are distributed. December is, after all, the season of ranking the culturally syphilitic minutiae that has waged war upon our ears, mouths, eyes, and other [...]
Dec 18
Music Slut: Ghostface Killah, Christmas Comes Early
And on the second day of Christmas, FTVS brings you a Ghostface Killah anthem that is both geometrically and theologically astute. The lyrics are subtle, implicit and conscious, and through Killah’s symphonious phonetic ironies and nuances, we are able to surmise that perhaps, dear reader, Mr. Ghostface is simply asking us to love one another. [...]
Dec 17
Music Slut: Happy Holidays from FTVS
Readers, it is no mystery that Christmas is a time to make love to your family and share genitive sensations with those closest to you. It is a time to stoke and stroke not only your genitals and vaginals, but also your mind and marbles. And because FTVS considers you all to be parts of [...]
Dec 14
Art Slut: Corey Helford Gallery, Culver City CA
Corey Helford is the owner and curator of the eclectic, refreshing and mostly geometrically sexual Corey Helford Gallery (CHG) in Culver City, California. The gallery concentrates (not exclusively) on a palette of upcoming and well-established Los Angeles based artists. With uncanny skill, these bifurcating bastards of art combine death and childhood, horror and fantasy, macabre and [...]
