Monthly Archives: December 2009

Advice Slut: Meet Jacques, FTVS’s Newest Columnist

FTVS is pleased to introduce you to Jacques-Yves Perichon, our most new columnist. Jacques is an expert in all things that require advice, so please send your questions to him at post [at] fortunathatviciousslut [dot] org. This is Jacques’ first column. A reader asks: Jacques, why is baseball considered the American national pastime? It has […]

Travel Slut: Barbados

FTVS’s youngest intern was on assignment for the FTVS Travel Column on the West Indian island-nation of Barbados this plebeian holiday season. The assignment was simple enough: to provide “in-depth” review and ranking of Barbados’ budget brothels, for the modern and financially conscious traveler. This meticulously crafted list would have, without a doubt, stimulated both […]

Career Slut: Jacques-Yves Perichon Wins Competition, Joins FTVS

Readers, this story has gripped the nation more robustly than a waffle-waitress gripping Tiger Woods’ testicles. Belatedly, we offer you a conclusion. After many submissions, FTVS has finally selected the winner of its Career Slut Competition. An infinite number of gifted Asians applied, however this is not an arithmetic contest. Submissions arrived from luminaries and […]

PSA Slut: Merry Christmas

Readers, FTVS is aware of all things sacrosanct and incorporeal. We are fondlers of the spiritual and the sexual, oftentimes simultaneously. Accordingly, we wish you all a Merry Christmas, and ask that you appreciate your family, friends and of course Jesus H. Christ with extreme prejudice on this fine day. May you all indulge in […]

Film Slut: Jungle’s Genealogy

To the uninitiated FTVS reader, the history of Jungle and Drum ‘n Bass might appear long and dark, not unlike the negro phallus. However, it is in fact short and pallid, not unlike the honkey phallus. Yes, dear reader, this is besides the point. Phallus girth and pigment are not the issue. The issue is […]

Music Slut: Massive Sexual Attack

Readers, we are all of common mind when discussing Massive Attack: they are a trinity of sublimity, courtesy of members 3D, Mushroom, and of course Daddy G. [Editor’s Note: If you have not let your ears bear witness to Daddy G’s DJ Kicks compilation, you are deserving of a swift kick to the testiculars, because […]

Music Slut: Ghostface Killah, Christmas Comes Early

And on the second day of Christmas, FTVS brings you a Ghostface Killah anthem that is both geometrically and theologically astute. The lyrics are subtle, implicit and conscious, and through Killah’s symphonious phonetic ironies and nuances, we are able to surmise that perhaps, dear reader, Mr. Ghostface is simply asking us to love one another. […]

Music Slut: Happy Holidays from FTVS

Readers, it is no mystery that Christmas is a time to make love to your family and share genitive sensations with those closest to you. It is a time to stoke and stroke not only your genitals and vaginals, but also your mind and marbles. And because FTVS considers you all to be parts of […]

Art Slut: Corey Helford Gallery, Culver City CA

Corey Helford is the owner and curator of the eclectic, refreshing and mostly geometrically sexual Corey Helford Gallery (CHG) in Culver City, California. The gallery concentrates (not exclusively) on a palette of upcoming and well-established Los Angeles based artists. With uncanny skill, these bifurcating bastards of art combine death and childhood, horror and fantasy, macabre and […]

Movie Slut: Glory Days of Rave

Readers, there is an inherent tragedy in that the youth today have shit taste in electronic music. Perhaps this is so because the adolescents have a poorly construed sense of lineage and genealogy. Accordingly, peruse the documentary film below, and fellate your understanding of the roots of rave. This pièce de résistance provides coverage of […]