If your life, dear reader, is anywhere near as exciting as FTVS’s (namely Senior Editors Bob Albatross and Jack Colt), you will, like them, probably be masturbating in public on North Venice Boulevard (California, United States) on Christmas Eve. Maintaining the phallus warm and fully erected at such low temperatures during this cumbersome yet immensely rewarding exercise requires talent and a precise amount of on-the-spot libation.

We are pleased to present you the perfect accessory which will without a doubt assist the most adventurous FTVS reader during this arduous holiday season: the Cheers Mother Fucker hip flask. The aforementioned container is a recession proof product that can be enjoyed by the unemployed and employed FTVS reader alike.

FTVS rating: four (4) and a half (1/2) stars

This flask will attract women

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