FTVS, on location.

Attention all attractive sex trafficking victims! It is time to jubilate and pay hommage to your most seraphic matriarch! Discharge your requital at Mother Lindsay immediately!

Observe the clip below, and witness the rinsed-out hooker turned righteous social justice crusader disarm a real-life trafficker of  children with questions likely never before posed.

“Didn’t you hear that children were abused, and some girls, maybe if they were, like, attractive, were raped and prostituted?” inquires Lohan, with a delivery reminiscent of an earlier, drug-addled Maureen Dowd.

FTVS demands that Ms. Lohan immediately and relentlessly pause her other career (of ravaging rotted vagina and tending to nose-bleeds) to proctor and arbitrate on behalf of the world’s most marginalized.