The Face of Innocence.

Hallelujah! Sheikh Issa bin Zayed al-Nahayan, brother of the United Arab Emirates’ president, was finally acquitted of a torture that he clearly had nothing to do with, aside from committing. Liberty incarnate, inshallah!

Indeed, few as innocent, naïve and sweet as Sheikh Issa have known the scarlet taint of accusation. And for those who find Middle-Eastern democracy suspect, look no further than the liberal judge who determined Sheikh Issa was not responsible for the torture dealt by his hands. Rather, it was the fault of the drugs he was on. FTVS judiciously endorses this ruling, of course.

What drugs you might wonder? A cocktail of cocaine, alcohol, MDMA and ketamine, perhaps? Unlikely, according to FTVS Narcotic Advisor Jack Colt. Supporting Jack’s incontrovertible findings, FTVS intelligence obtained medical records showing the poor Sheikh was perscribed MIRAPEX, a drug used to treat restless leg syndrome (RLS).

It required maximal Google investigation to learn that MIRAPEX commonly results in side-effects akin to those exhibited in the video below.

Please dear readers, take a lesson from the venerable Sheikh’s case — seek medical and sexual attention right away if any of these MODERATE side effects occur from MIRAPEX use:

Increased urination; vision changes; abnormal thinking; confusion; change in behavior, mood, or emotions; new, unusual or intense urges (eg, gambling, sexual urges, torturing); unusual twitching or muscle movements (eg, involuntary kicking, branding, pouring salt or pissing on open wounds); sudden irresistible urge to sleep or suddenly falling asleep at unusual times (eg, driving a Mercedes SUV with a recently tortured man in its path); while using MIRAPEX.

Be like the good prince: immediately and unremittingly pursue advice from your doctor if you experience similar side effects while swerving on MIRAPEX.

On an unrelated note, who wants to go to Dubai with FTVS to snort heroin and penetrate some hot Emirati ass, preferably the sisters and mother of Sheikh Issa? If the honorable Sheikh Issa gets angry, we can just blame the roofies and Viagra.

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