Culture Slut: Vagazzling is The New Ear Piercing

Posted by Kip Penn on January 29, 2010 at 7:28 pm.

Disco smells funny

Glorious readership, a bedazzling revolution is upon us. Vagazzling! The trend that’s causing the nether regions of celebrities to twinkle like the starry snatches they are will  certainly illuminate non-celebrity naughty bits in time. Like Reaganomics, FTVS applies gravity’s logic to cultures of genital adornment. And so, we are certain that vagazzling — the art of dressing up your nectar hole with rhinestones and cheap crystals — will soon percolate down to the less fortunate.

With absolute precision, FTVS predicts that within a decade vagazzling will become as banal as ear-piercings and as comfortable as Juicy Couture sweatsuits. Oh god yes; a girl’s prom preparation will include picking out a prom dress, and scheduling appointments with the manicurist, hair stylist, and the certified vagazzlist. Condoms will be made to withstand the friction of Swarovski-crystalled (vagazzled) vaginas. Vagazzling artists will show their art at vagazzling conventions. See minute 2:40 of the clip below to taste the rainbow, and the brilliantly vagazzled future.


The following conversation between a father and his 13-year-old daughter will certainly occur in the not-so-distant future:

Daddy, can I get vagazzled?

No.

Why not? I’m almost 14!

When I was your age, girls wanted to get their ears pierced. I’ll let you get your ears pierced.

What? do I look like mom to you? I wanna get vagazzled!!!!

Dear readers, the not-so-distant future will be glorious!

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4 Comments

  • Sally Tinkerbell says:

    Hey Jack – I like your offer. Just to let you know, I got FTVS in crystals on my vajayjay – is that considered classy?

  • Jack Colt says:

    @Sally: Vagina and FTVS are, by definition, classy. Hit the pm button when you are around SF.

  • ladysonia says:

    I am from a small town in the midwest and would like to go to college one day once i get the dough. At the moment I’m just hanging out and wishing I wasnt so bored all the time… nothing but cattle here and the kind of meat treat I want I cant seem to get… sweet blog though!

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