Times are tough dear readers, and choosing a party is tougher.

But if you feel like times couldn’t be worse, gain some fucking perspective — had the Nazis won the war, you’d most likely be dancing the Sprachinseltänze or Bandltanz with a star on your sleeve to Hofbräuhaus Electro at das Avalon  this Friday night. Instead, thanks to Fortuna’s generous ovaries, America defoliated Germany after she date-raped France, repeatedly, and this weekend is your chance to fully appreciate the sexual meaning of this historiographical gang-bang.

Friday night is at Temporary Space 2 with Monseigneur D’Julz alongside Droog for what might be the last week of hibernation before the return of the Culprit Sessions at the gloriously erected Standard Hotel Rooftop. Yes readers, Friday at TS2 might be your last chance to get all Nic Cage on the nubuile, Korean sweet-babies that abound at this fine venue.

Saturday is at San Francisco’s oldest underground dance institution, The Endup, with German part-time baker Dixon leading the uber sexual Seth Troxler in shorts as tights as Fortuna’s  glory hole is gaping. This, to put it simply, should be experienced.

An extravagant end of the week you might think, but considering there are only two kinds of FTVS readers in this cuntish recession — the employed kind for whom things are looking brighter, and the unemployed kind for whom things are looking increasingly like the inside of Satan’s rectum — FTVS urges you to swipe the plastic.

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