Bolivian President Evo Morales announced last week (at the World People’s Conference on Climate Change and the Rights of Mother Earth) that European chickens are the primary source of homosexuality and male baldness. FTVS, as the last bastion of rigorous scientific geometry, decided to put this bold claim through an ascetic yet empirically normative test. [...]
Monthly Archives: April 2010
Apr 23
Culture Slut: Tits Cause Quakes, FTVS Leaves for Haiti
Readers, is it any surprise that a Persian scientist/religious hero has made the greatest scientific discovery since the Nipponese invented the LaserDisc? Of course, not. A high-ranking Iranian cleric recently identified that it is in fact the exposure of the women’s tittays, vagizzles, and badonk-a-cheeks that causes earthquakes. That is correct: those of you, dear [...]
Apr 20
Music Slut: Theology and Sex with Laura Escudé and Friends
In this world of libidinous disarray, FTVS remains your trusted source for theology. This weekend, Los Angeles-based Ableton Live Master Laura Escudé — a sexified womanimal if there ever has been one — will visit the holy city of San Francisco to help Brooklyn-based pioneer Moldover celebrate his birthday. The roster for this evening of [...]
Apr 12
FTVS ESSENSUAL MIX, Second (2) Edition: Max Cooper
At last we present you with the second installment of our countably infinite series of Essensual Mixes. This sequelized and heavily sexualized edition features the heir to Horkheimer, Max Cooper. The connection between Mr. Cooper and Fortuna is strong, if not obvious, like Michael Jackson and Macualay Culkin in the tub perhaps. No one since the [...]
Apr 05
Film Slut: One Month on The Moon with Andrew Mooney
The astute and loyal FTVS reader remembers that FTVS Editors enjoy wetting their sticks on occasion; that is, indulging in surf related activities during sexual jaunts to various tropical and impoverished nations such as Indonesia. On my last trip to the great Muslim archipelago, I ventured to a remote shore near a small ‘hooker’ town where I [...]
Apr 01
PSA Slut: FTVS goes Pay-Per-View
Dear reader, since the year two thousand and nine (2009), your life and loins have swelled freely with the most geometrically economical content on the internets. No longer! The time has come for FTVS to follow her intellectually inferior cousin, the Wall Street Journal, and capitalize on her entrepreneurial and coital talent. Starting today, the [...]
