PSA Slut: European Chickens Cause Homosexuality (Indeed)

Posted by on April 28, 2010 at 9:20 pm.

A Man Fucking a Chicken, Lui Ding 2007

Bolivian President Evo Morales announced last week (at the World People’s Conference on Climate Change and the Rights of Mother Earth) that European chickens are the primary source of homosexuality and male baldness.

FTVS, as the last bastion of rigorous scientific geometry, decided to put this bold claim through an ascetic yet empirically normative test.

The test subjects were none other than FTVS Senior Editors Jack Colt and Bob Albatross. Careful inspection of the editors’ scalps revealed a receding hairline on Jack Colt, and a proceeding hairline on Albatross. A historiographical study of their diets and feces over the past twenty (20) years confirmed Colt was fed European chickens as an infant, while Albatross exclusively consumed only the finest Canadian poultry.

Thus, because Jack Colt was the sole editor to consume significant doses of Euro-trash fowl, it was he who was selected to proceed on with the study. Bob Albatross may or may not have tagged along for moral support.

Jack Colt was given 200mg of rophynol and was thrown in San Francisco’s famous Steamworks Bathhouse for twelve (12) consecutive hours. Careful examination of Mr. Colt’s prostate and rectum after the experiment revealed repeated acts of joyous homosexual intercourse.

In lieu of the above finding we advise all FTVS readers who may have been in contact with European chickens to stay at home and avoid any contact with male individuals. Alternatively, FTVS advises that you may instead want to buy a one way ticket to the Castro to better understand if you too have ever eaten the gay bird.

The point, however, is not the latent and blatant homosexuality that pervades FTVS editors. Rather, the point is that Evo Morales is amazing. And probably gay, if not bald.

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One Comment

  • iro says:

    between tits and chickens the world is an awesome place to live right now. i propose we blame masturbation for tidal waves

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