Monthly Archives: May 2010

Culture Slut: Louis CK Explains the Catholic Church

Readers, we who are not Catholic have misunderstood the Church for too long. While FTVS Founding Editor Jack Colt may have been raised under Catholicism’s gentle, tender umbrella — spending his youth polishing the proverbial calysses — the Church’s eschatology (scatology?) has always left us discomposed. Perhaps a symptom of our plebeian, vile sensibilities. It […]

Culture Slut: Iranian Government Denies Holocaust, Conducts Its Own

Earlier today, the FTVS bureau was forwarded distressing images of men in uniform partaking in what can only be described as the worst crime against humanity since the creation of FTVS. In this world of complete theological disarray, Iran demonstrated that infamy knows no bounds, by ordering the systematic and hermeneutic destruction of millions of […]

FTVS ESSENSUAL MIX, Third (3) Edition: Mr. C

Readers, rather than letting FTVS do the talking, we will now do what Noam Chomsky should have done in 1971: we will shut the fuck up and let the Michel Foucault of electronic music say his piece. Dearest Eezer, please share with us your most intoxicating and intoxicated story involving the sweet narcotics and the […]

PSA Slut: Size Does Matter When Inserting Sea Animals In Anus

Readers, FTVS is first and foremost a source of public health and safety, an almanac of medicality and biological guidance. It is why Kathleen Sebelius frequently stops by the office for a game of find-the-gherkin. Ever since FTVS featured a glowing review of Shane Smith‘s documentary Genki and The Art of Eel Porn, FTVS readers […]