Readers, sometimes we just need a little bit more 80s Negro action in our lives. FTVS does not really need this because of course Grace Jones and Carl Weathers are both interns in our office.
Still, the videos below will assist in stimulating those of you undernourished by a lack of African American companions. Spice up [...]
Author Archives: Bob Albatross
Music Slut: Songs For Sex, Volume 1
Music Slut: Exclusive Interview of the Year 7th Edition – Deniz Kurtel
Readers, this interview tested the extreme limits of lust and erotogenic mutuality. While our readership has come to expect nothing less than the most groundbreaking catechisms and inquests from the brilliant yet seductive FTVS staff, we surprised even ourselves with this dialogue, entering a previously unattainable arena of sexuality and theology.
The hedonic, erotic connection [...]
Party Slut: RebelRave or Die
As any al-Qaeda operative will tell you, an endorsement from FTVS is more influential than Allah’s consent and seventy two (72) unsullied virgins. FTVS does not endorse al-Qaeda but does genitally and theologically endorse the upcoming RebelRave event in San Francisco on February 26, and perhaps also in Los Angeles the proceeding eve. Even the [...]
Q&A Slut: Is It Acceptable to (Not) Masturbate on an Airplane?
Thoughtful readers, what is the more benevolent of Fortuna’s gifts?
A) Providing mankind with the ability to practice the art of flight via airplane or B) Providing humanity with the capacity to fondle the erogenous musculars and spelunk the coital caverns?
In other words, mankind is able to fly, and mankind is able to she-bop the goo-gun. [...]
Economics Slut: Raj Rajaratnam Declares, “Tase the Fucking Midget!”, Saves Capitalism
Readers, in this age of indecency and acutely sodomizing atheism, it is supremely important that we continue to acknowledge life’s finer offerings, such as midgets and Tasers.
None have grasped this maxim of dwarfs and electronic current weaponry with more agility than the corpulent and habitually jolly Indian capitalist, Raj Rajaratnam.
RajRaj rightly acknowledged the air of [...]
Music Slut: Sycophant Slags “Keep Off”, Featuring the Black Eyed Peas and David Guetta
FTVS paramours Adultnapper and Mr. C today released their newest collaboration as the Sycophant Slags. This suavely inebriated rocker features the highly-sexed Mr. C’s vocals spreading themselves across Adultnapper’s carnal compression, not unlike a seasoned prostitute taking a stroll on L. Ron Hubbard’s spaceship.
Ariel Danziger is in command of the video, and is quickly becoming [...]
Charity Slut: Lindsay Lohan > Bono
Attention all attractive sex trafficking victims! It is time to jubilate and pay hommage to your most seraphic matriarch! Discharge your requital at Mother Lindsay immediately!
Observe the clip below, and witness the rinsed-out hooker turned righteous social justice crusader disarm a real-life trafficker of children with questions likely never before posed.
“Didn’t you hear that children were abused, and [...]
Advice Slut: Meet Jacques, FTVS’s Newest Columnist
FTVS is pleased to introduce you to Jacques-Yves Perichon, our most new columnist. Jacques is an expert in all things that require advice, so please send your questions to him at post [at] fortunathatviciousslut [dot] org. This is Jacques’ first column.
A reader asks: Jacques, why is baseball considered the American national pastime?
It has been [...]
