Readers, it is no mystery that Christmas is a time to make love to your family and share genitive sensations with those closest to you. It is a time to stoke and stroke not only your genitals and vaginals, but also your mind and marbles. And because FTVS considers you all to be parts of [...]
Author Archives: Bob Albatross
Movie Slut: Glory Days of Rave
Readers, there is an inherent tragedy in that the youth today have shit taste in electronic music. Perhaps this is so because the adolescents have a poorly construed sense of lineage and genealogy. Accordingly, peruse the documentary film below, and fellate your understanding of the roots of rave. This pièce de résistance provides coverage of [...]
Fashion Slut: Karl Lagerfeld, Gay Helmut meets Bike Helmet
Dear reader, the wait is over! Gay Frankenstein, also known as Karl Lagerfeld, has finally applied his ponytailed touch to the hazardous world of road safety. Mr. Lagerfeld, also known as your creepy uncle who vacations too frequently in Thailand (Asia) and is perhaps featured on an Interpol watch list, has designed motorcycle helmets for the 2009 [...]
Music Slut: Tiga, Sex Or Die
FTVS and Tiga covet a long-lasting and one hundred (100) percent non-sexual relationship extending back to the autumn of 2000. It all began one night at Sona, the illustrious and deceased afterhours located in the erroneously non-European megapolis known as Montreal. A discerning FTVS Senior Editor has shared both the DJ booth and mascara on [...]
Music Slut: A Star Too Bright
It is quite rare and perhaps never that FTVS is left speechless. This, of course, is our sacramental duty: to vocalize the fidelity of truth when all others are too flaccid to offer factualism. Finally, however, FTVS has found a star so bright that it has not only blinded our editorial staff but also left [...]
Movie Slut: 2012 > Schindler’s List
Movie critics are not unlike chlamydia or gonorrhea: very exasperating and inconvenient when you are lusting for the full hermeneutic stroking of the mind and cock. Of course, never has this been more palpable than when the film critic community recently took it upon itself to question the irrevocable supremacy of 2009′s greatest movie: 2012. [...]
Music Slut: The Art of Trance (Super Gay, I.E. Super Happy)
FTVS is pleased to report that Platipus Records has returned. Yes, dear reader, it is important to stress that FTVS is not racist towards trance music from the 1990s, and unlike most other weblogs, does not pay heed to ribaldry or vogue ideologies (note that FTVS does exercise extreme prejudice toward trance music from the [...]
Fashion Slut: Ed Hardy Quenches Your Thirst
Readers, it is eternally execrable that Ed Hardy connoisseurs are frequently misunderstood to be little more than well-tanned date rapists who push the modern boundaries of facial hair symmetry. Ed Hardy aesthetes discerningly adorn themselves in such voguish things as t-shirts with sparkles, and tigers, and of course, sparkly tigers. Profound, yet unequivocal. Having conquered [...]
Puta Musical: Silverio Is El New Deadmau5
FTVS is obliged to introduce Bioy Bienduro, FTVS’s official minority correspondent. This is his first piece, after many failed submissions, of course. Buenas tardes, dear readers! Soy Bioy Bienduro de Xochimilco, Mexico. So fresh am I to this great nation del Norte that my pants’ cuffs still waft the Rio Grande’s fecal pungency. En serio, [...]
