Readers, is it any surprise that a Persian scientist/religious hero has made the greatest scientific discovery since the Nipponese invented the LaserDisc? Of course, not.
A high-ranking Iranian cleric recently identified that it is in fact the exposure of the women’s tittays, vagizzles, and badonk-a-cheeks that causes earthquakes.
That is correct: those of you, dear readers, who enjoy parading in the Dar al-Harb whilst dressed like sluts (Fortuna) cause the tectonic plates to shift and rupture, not unlike how Jack Colt’s prostate shifts and ruptures at the sight of RuPaul.
In a masterful display of religious theology, the cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, brilliantly catechized that:
Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes.
Hearing of this news, FTVS caught the first plane to Port-Au-Prince. Oh yes, FTVS is rarely where the action is not. Clearly, the heathens are in Haiti, and FTVS loves itself some big-breasted heathens.