Earlier today, the FTVS bureau was forwarded distressing images of men in uniform partaking in what can only be described as the worst crime against humanity since the creation of FTVS. In this world of complete theological disarray, Iran demonstrated that infamy knows no bounds, by ordering the systematic and hermeneutic destruction of millions of bottles of imported libations. Yes, dear readers, cases of Absolut Vodka (Orange flavored, we would be remiss not to add) were crushed with extreme prejudice, like Sarah Palin’s vagina at an interracial gang-bang.
FTVS has no choice but to declare war against the Iranian government, and is currently negotiating with General Stanley McChrystal, an FTVS angel investor, on the most appropriate punishment. There is of course the atomic bomb, but the Iranian culprits shall be given much worse: FTVS will oversee the logistics of parachuting one hundred thousand (100,000) crates of David Guetta’s Just a Little More Love across this unholy nation.
Yes, dear reader when the going gets tough, the tough get tougher. FTVS has also contacted Oscar-winning director Steven Spielberg to write, direct, and produce a trilogy of films documenting the alcoholic genocide for future generations to remember that humans, much like over-sized rectal eels, on occasion go too far.