Editor’s note: This is Rachel’s first, and possibly last, contribution to FTVS. Rachel is a female doctoral student in economics at a leading university somewhere in southern California. This post is a heavily altered version of her original submission, and may not entirely reflect her thesis.

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here exists an extremely misguided view of what it means to be a feminist, and I’d like to take the opportunity to expunge the public of these impertinent, passé stereotypes.  You, dear reader, might conjure the bra-burning, unshaven and unkept, militant, loud, opinionated woman always discovering some great crime against her sex when I mention the f-word.  This image must be expanded within your psyche if you are to understand the true scope of the feminist threat.

Today’s feminist may take another, less discernible shape. Indeed, the modern angry wench might not have a pubic area covered in dead moss, but instead a somewhat sanitized, stubbled expanse that appears more inviting than harrowing. Do not be fooled, for the army of manly womyn have discovered the utility of the waxed vagine. The beast weeps underneath, still.

She does not walk around in homely moccasins; she models designer stilettos as they allow her to maximize her manipulation of phallic blood flows.

The modern feminist does not exclusively burn bras; she also wears them, both for comfort and aesthetic pleasure (aesthetic pleasure meant to highlight the succulent teats, or rather, inflict a mirage-like illusion of succulence, for those teats espouse sour milk).  She does not walk around in homely moccasins; she models designer stilettos as they allow her to maximize her manipulation of phallic blood flows.

She doesn’t isolate herself to a group of women, because the modern woman does not choose her posse based on gender. She chooses them based on who will pretend to tolerate her.  Demonstrate for equal pay?  Ha! Equal pay is something to be expected, thanks to gender-based affirmative action policies.

When equality assaults tradition, a natural confusion arises.  On a first date, tradition dictates that the man picks up the check.  Is this acceptable behavior to propagate as a modern feminist?  Does it send out a signal of dependency; does it hint at subservience?  No. As long as the woman provides fellatio in the restaurant parking lot post-meal, this practice remains acceptable. Some think they have discovered the perfect middle-road by splitting the check.  How uncouth.  Ladies, let him pay.  If he’s deserving of our time and efforts, we should simply let him forgo the condom. — Rachel