Category Archives: Uncategorized

PSA Slut: FTVS Summer Hianus

Readers, FTVS output has been more flaccid than a Palestine-destined flotilla as of late. Sadly, our lack of journalistic ejaculate will continue through the summer months, not unlike a bitch in heat. Why? Because FTVS is returning to school for the summer, and when school is in session, FTVS is not.

We shall be back soon. Probably in October, once the refractory period has lapsed. Of course, staring at Mark Harmon will expedite the period.

Also, we are attending Matthew Dear at Mighty tonight. San Francisco will have her alpha lips drenched in juice, for the curly-haired Detroit-born techno maven will deliver us from evil and help us pitch the fur bucket in the cunt.

Party Slut: Kontrol Your Boner, Craig Richards Comes to SF

Readers, we apologize for our flaccid output of late. The FTVS editorial board has been busy with less urgent matters. Advising BP on how not to control premature yet robust ejaculation, mentoring the Israeli military on how not to crash a boat party, our schedules have been tight, perhaps too tight. And yet, we interrupt our leadership in international affairs to discuss more pressing matters.

Of course, it is the five (5) year anniversary of Kontrol, San Francisco’s most fervidly theological monthly. Who better than to help ring in this festive, fisting aural enema than monsieur Craig Richards — Fabric resident DJ, sexual icon of tech house and minimal fanboys the world over, and the less cartoonish, smiley half of Tyrant. While dear Craig may never smile, he certainly plays narcotically coital music.

Tickets are we don’t know how much. We do know that Craig will be playing with Galoppierende Zuversicht and the entire Kontrol family until 6am PST, so the fiscals, like prophylactics, are of no concern. See you at the End Up. Free handjobs for all.