Doing our part to stimulate and of course masturbate your economy.

The essence of this post is about something of premium merit, something of seraphic importance somehow at par with a spacetime singularity: FTVS is hiring.

It is widely known that FTVS co-founder Kip Penn retired permanently six months ago to the wilderness of Indonesia to satiate his insatiable thirst for nubile yet gynandrous intersexuals. On November 9 2009, all communications from Penn ceased while he was believed to be on the island of Sumbawa (East Indonesia).

With great optimism, FTVS has little choice but to assume he is now inert.

Accordingly, FTVS is pursuing an American Idol of its own, and will select one serendipitous soul to join the greatest publication in the history of the alphabet.

Benefits? Of course let us tell you: sexual carnality, women, men, sex, hermaphroditic agility, guest list, bath toys, Costco vodka, fame, glamor, hooker allowance, prestige, and last but certainly with most importance: an opportunity to write history along legends and FTVS founders Bob Albatross and Jack Colt.

To try out, please submit a +/- three hundred (300) word writing sample, and be certain to masturbate your multimedia resourcefulness in your submission — indeed, the astute FTVS readership knows that much of the groundbreaking adroitness in each and every post comes from the carefully crafted sequence of red hyperlinks.

The triumphant individual, also known as the newest member of FTVS, will be given full Fortuna Accreditation, and will receive a weekly stipend of one hundred (100) dollars, with the expectation that said individual will write one (1) to three (3) articles per week.

Yes, that’s four hundred (400) dollars per month, to write four (4) to twelve (12) articles per month.

Of course, all applicants must also fellate FTVS staff to ensure their health is marathonic enough to partake in such a testing workplace.

To summarize:

- approximately four hundred (400) dollars per month is the salary

- approximately four (4) to twelve (12) articles per month is the expectation

- approximately one (1) sample article must be submitted to FTVS by December 1, 2009

Let the games begin. All submissions should be sent to post [at] fortunathatviciousslut [dot] org.

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