While UC Berkeley is currently nurturing a nasty crop of Keynesian syphilis among its Economics department,  Cal’s Chemistry department remains at the forefront of theological psychotropic exploration.

These groundbreaking seeds were initially sown by FTVS’s favorite mind explorer and Cal alum Alexander Shulgin (co-author of the penis-inflating monographs PiHKAL and TiHKAL). Dr. Shulgin is the subject of a new documentary, which weaves a tapestry of narcotic libertarianism.  Yes, Shulgin created, synthesized and self-tested more than two hundred (200) mind-altering chemical compounds. The film is inappropriately titled Dirty Pictures, and does not include gratuitous footage of the cocks or vagines.

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FTVS was, as usual, where the money is.

Friday February the 5th was the 2010 meeting of the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) at the Federal Reserve. Naturally, FTVS was in attendance. Yes, dear readers, we crashed one of the most significant economic meetings of the year.

As the agile FTVS reader will recall, sexuality and economic performance are highly correlated, like boyscouts and tummy sticks. Consequently, while it is clear our Leninist leader Obama is extremely well endowed, FTVS set out to investigate whether the current crop of frontier Economists had the cojones to lubricate and stimulate the Black Mamba.

Specifically, the libido-teasing focus was on Economic Fluctuations and Growth. The latest in economical research was presented, analyzed, criticized, and for the two New Keynesians who happened to be present, sodomized.

To my surprise, crashing an exclusive meeting at this supposedly secretive organization was no more difficult than soliciting sexual favors from an FTVS intern. I was greeted by a gentle female in the bank’s lobby who kindly asked me to choose among a rather large collection of exotic sounding name tags. I curated the one that read “Kenichi Ueda (IMF)“, a natural fit, considering my proclivity for all things Nipponese.

I sat for an hour, watching twenty or so persons arguing over an array of Greek letters and mathematical symbols arranged in a way that made absolutely no sense. It was beautiful display of complexity with a subtle touch of masochistic sexuality. I had entered a new world, and the natives, while docile, were incomprehensible.

What Economics is all about, I still do not know. What is clear however, is that this group of frontier Economists remains nonplussed with how the Obama syndicate has sought to arouse the domestic economy. All but unanimously, there was agreement that the Stimulus Package is a misguided program, not unlike a broken penis too skewed to the right, which misses the unmissable stimulation point of the great American vagine (known as the “G-spot” in fornication, and “Growth” in Economics).

This, readers, begs an important question: if frontier Economists are the Peter North of society, why is the current administration wearing a chastity belt and not willingly taking their penetrating guidance?

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Remi, eating little white balls.

FTVS salutes ten years of online bravery by French funny man and Internet superstar Remi Gaillard. Mr. Gaillard is, to put it simply, a genius of theologically advanced humor capable of inciting comedic riot.

While most socially cushioned French bastards regard an economical recession as an abnormally long paid vacation, the former soccer player used his imposed recessional freedom to craft a style of prank that catapulted him to media superstardom. How? By genuinely pissing off the law enforcement as well as his baguette chomping fellowmen.

Mr. Gaillard remains at war with the TV establishment he justly hates, considering it has mistreated him on several occasions. “Television feeds you something you do not necessarily want to watch, whereas people search for content on the Internet and choose to watch what they like,” laments the Montpellier (France) local. Indeed, the FTVS editorial team is always on the look out for more videos featuring nude Japanese women playing with octopuses and their vaginas.

Mr. Gaillard’s videos have now been watched more than five hundred million (500,000,000) times (close to the FTVS readership), establishing him as the most famous persona in the history of the Media (close to FTVS). Monetary rewards appear to be on the rise too, after several conglomerates such as the superior sweatshop shoemaker Nike, the deliciously carbonated soft drink Orangina, and the exquisitely white shaving cream Nobacter all commissioned the young man’s service for the production of a series of viral videos.

Ride the capitalist wave, dear Remi, and do not forget to tell your fellow countrymen to go fuck themselves. FTVS strongly suggests that you, dear reader, follow Remi’s lead and consider a similar form of employment for yourselves while you seek to outlast this cunt of a recession.

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- Warren Buffett

Milton Friedman, a fellow Chicagoean, would be proud.

As if more evidence were required to prove that the United States steadily marches toward the guillotine of socialism, we see here that the general public, as well as the great capitalist Ted Turner’s personal mouthpiece, CNN, have turned on the entrepreneurial spirit that previously characterized this once superlative but now rapidly decomposing nation!

Terrence Nicks, pictured left, bravely coordinated a plan with his esteemed colleagues to maximize value and nurture profit at the place of his employment – a graveyard. And yet he is being unjustly persecuted for engaging in value-adding landscaping. Absurd!

While the masses soil their underthings in phobia of the free market’s fist of righteousness, these dreamers heeded Buffett’s message, and did their duty as homo economicus to keep the moral fabric of Pax Americana intact.

As Washington fat-cats bathe themselves in TARP funds and Georgetown call girls, real people not unlike these visionary grave redistributors will continue to be unjustly persecuted under Barack Marx’s toxic shadow. And for what? For bravely looking to expand their benevolence.

What is next!? Shall we begin prosecuting the worldly and tuition-providing gentlemen that pay for college call girls?

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