Eels, maximum pleasure, maximum danger.

Readers, FTVS is first and foremost a source of public health and safety, an almanac of medicality and biological guidance. It is why Kathleen Sebelius frequently stops by the office for a game of find-the-gherkin.

Ever since FTVS featured a glowing review of Shane Smith‘s documentary Genki and The Art of Eel Porn, FTVS readers around the planet have indulged in the sweet and deliciously electrifying rectal insertion of our black little friend, the eel.

Sadly last week, long time FTVS reader Hao Xing suffered a most untimely death after being subjected to a surprise insertion of a fifty (50) centimeter Asian specimen in his rectum.

Yes, dear reader, eels, like penises and dildos, come in different sizes and colors, and while they can all be very capable of massaging the prostate, larger eels are known to be capable of also eating the prostate and its surrounding tissues, which, in the case of our friend Hao Xing, can be lethal.

Of course, FTVS always advises you to play roulette with that heathen trollop Fortuna, and if sticking an eel in your fur burger is the only way you can achieve maximum satisfaction, then let nothing stop you.

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Will the Nipponese ever cease to dazzle our pale-colored round-eyes? Will this great nation ever fail to erect our stereotypically yet comparatively larger reproductive accoutrement? FTVS does not know. What FTVS does know, readers, is MegwinTV may well be what Johnny Knoxville could have accomplished had he properly harnessed Spike Jonze‘s geometric ontology.

In the spirit of professionalism, FTVS lets the MegwinTV website do the talking:

“We, Samurai, are making original comedy movies in Japan!! We’re pleasure that people over the world enjoy our movies!! Come to our web site!!”

And come, dear reader. Come.

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he excellent VBS documentary Genki and The Art of Eel Porn, following Shane Smith in the streets of Kabukich?, was a catalyst in the thought process behind the creation of FTVS. It was the signal we had been waiting for. It was our piece of toast. The unambiguous sign assuring us that somewhere on this planet, dedicated individuals did not lose hope in their humanity and were willing to explore its most intimate corners. From there on it has been a perpetual quest to find such zealous devotees of Mankind, and not so surprisingly, our latest discovery also came from the land of Amaterasu. Bizarre magazine has more on this much needed haute couture faux-tumor craze.

FTVS is thankful for the normalcy and balance that dawns on the world from the land of the rising sun. The equanimity of our Nipponese friendlies brings perpetual light to the darker crevaces of humanity.

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